Big Feelings is something I wrote, in which I share my perspective on "Coping isn't emotional regulation, but can be a gateway to it. "
To summarize, coping strategies help me to diffuse my growing or already heightened, emotional energy.
I happen to lean into cleaning and organizing. Snacks are also high on my list. Having a familiar TV series playing coupled with the snacks is in my emotional algorithm too.
Whether staring at a blinking cursor, challenged by a deadline or circumstance, plus feeling overcome by the current state of affairs in the world.
What if…?
Thoughts Are Neutral
Until we attach a feeling to them.
Think about when you were hyped up just thinking about your business?
First I am going to do this,
and then that,
oh and this,
I can't wait to try that,
It is going to be amazing!
And with each thought your anticipation and energy grew and grew and grew.
One doesn't often seek nor need tools and modalities to regulate positive emotions that come from our positive thoughts.
It is when you find your thoughts have gone in a different direction, which changes the story and has activated different feelings.
Depending on how you cope with those feelings, exploring different tools of emotional regulation and ways to influence your energy may benefit you.
Unregulated instead of Dysregulated
I recently learned this important distinction during a collaboration with Cynthia Young of Origins of Intentional Living; and am consciously changing my language to say ‘unregulated’ instead of dysregulated.
“Dysregulated”, has a negative definition and implications that something needs to be fixed.
“Unregulated”, on the other hand implies that at this moment you are not regulated, and allows for space to feel the emotion and or for the pendulum to swing back to regulation, without the need to do something to correct it.
Head to Toe
When I worked with the body, I did a lot of foot focused work, and connecting with my feet is a top tool when I’m in my activated and need to re-ground.
Here is the current inventory of foot focused tools under my desk as I write this.

Join me by listening to the audio that takes you through a little exercise.
Or follow the text:
Begin by stand with your bare feet comfortably shoulder width apart, on a bare floor or carpet.
Take a deep breath in and exhale letting the weight of your body sink down into your feet.
Take another deep breath in and while exhaling consciously lower your shoulders and release any tension in the backside, knees and calves.
Take a third deep breath in and on the exhale close your eyes and feel what you feel in your feet.
Without looking at your feet, notice how many toes you can feel individually, without adding additional pressure on them. [In the countless pairs of feet I’ve worked with, its common to feel the big toe clearly and the balance of the toes feel like one unit or a team.]
Notice where you feel your feet in more clear contact with the floor.
Notice if your right foot feels differently from the left.
Take a breath in, exhale.
Now while looking at your feet, try lifting the toes and spreading them apart from each other.
• This may be easy for some and a challenge for others.
Keeping your toes spread; try to bring them down one at a time, starting with the baby toe and ending with the big toe.[Tip: It helps to mirror this movement with your hands at the same time.]
Lift your toes up high and with your baby finger and baby toes at the same time, press them down, 5,4,3,2,1
And repeat that one more time.
Compare how your feet felt from the beginning to the end. Or keep going if that feels good.
Fingers
A new to me, somatic tool, I’ve recently added to my repertoire, is to close my eyes and rub the tips of my fingers together, focusing my attention on feeling the ridges of my fingerprints and anything else I notice, for 3 to 5 breaths.
Inquiry
What are your strategies to diffuse energy?
How do you take your mind off of what is activating your emotions? Or initiate energy if you are feeling static.
What are those pink poky things under your desk?
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